Description

Why We Ask Each Other Our Pronouns

Why do pronouns matter?

Ask yourself how many times some has used your name or a pronoun to refer to you today. Chances are this has happened countless times. Now, imagine that your coworker, or a family member, or your doctor or a friend routinely calls you by the wrong pronoun. That would be hard. This is why using a person’s chosen name and pronouns is essential to affirming their identity and showing respect. The experience of being misgendered – having someone use the incorrect pronouns to refer to you – can be uncomfortable and hurtful. The experience of accidentally misgendering someone can be difficult for both parties. Routinely asking and providing pronouns helps everyone avoid assumption and feel comfortable interacting.

Pronoun Etiquette Tips

• Create opportunities for people to share their pronouns with you rather than assuming you know their pronouns based on appearance. For example, when introducing yourself share your pronouns like this:
• In one-on-one conversation: “Hi, I’m John and I go by he/him. Nice to meet you.”
• In a meeting: “Hi everyone. I’m Mollie. I’m the senior program manager and I go by she/her.”
• In your e-mail signature next to your name, you can put your pronouns.
• If you don’t know someone’s pronouns, it’s okay to ask. You can say, “What pronouns do you use?” or “What pronouns do you go by?” or “What pronouns would you like me to use when I refer to you?”
• Always use someone’s chosen (preferred) pronouns unless you’ve been asked not to do so for a specific reason. (e.g., safety or privacy concerns).
• Practice! Practice! Practice! It takes intention to consistently use someone’s correct pronouns if you previously used different pronouns for that person or if you’re using pronouns that are new to you.
• If you make a mistake, apologize and move on. Help others by gently correcting them if they misgender someone.